Scheduled

I schedule my pain for another day. Not today.
You are not worth it--no one is--perhaps neither am I.
I was molded with the utmost of care; the most sensitive and fiery of souls within a shell of ice.
I am a joke.
Oxymoronic effects that blur the world clear.
Nobody cares.

Ad Interim

I think too much, too deep, too far.
I spend way too much time with myself.
I dislike people.
I will end up alone, found dead after three days (or weeks?), with my toes having been eaten by cats. At least my toes will serve a purpose.
Death does not scare me.
It's what I'll do in the meantime that worries me.

D-Day

I have touched people. If I've changed even one idea, influenced one life, it would be worth it. But have I? And how would I know?
I have hurt people. Most times unintentionally, sometimes not.
I put them in a balance, but the scales are broken. There's no redemption, no amends.
I cannot be forgiven because I don't forgive.
I've made my peace with that.
My back is a cold slab that turns, slams shut. Move on! I am not here for you. None of you.
I see myself in hues darker than usual. I have to, cause no one else does.
There's no one strong enough to know me. Or stupid enough to care. It's fine. I've made my peace with that.

Cheers!

Refresh

Fingers trembling knuckles bruised invisible to others
Anxiety unexplained tightening my stomach I feel like throwing up although I haven't eaten anything for days or at least I can't remember
Is it because of you or is it them or is it me going mad again?
I hate you. How can you still be on my mind when I don't even miss you anymore?
I woke up all alone one morning and then I knew I had always been alone
Why are you still here when I have decided, I have decided this is not your place anymore it has never been but a dream
I woke up
in the middle of the night scared that it was morning and I hadn't heard the alarm
I remembered you
I am looking for the pill but relief is temporary and I just want to turn the page change the chapter burn the book
I do not want you anymore why does my heart cringe at these words why do I still feel? I have decided!
You've turned me into a non-believer. I don't believe in love anymore. Therefore, I don't believe in anything.
If it was me who left then why do I feel like the one being left behind? But I have decided...
Refresh. No message from you or from them or from god.

Cheers, darlings!

Have you ever wondered what's wrong with the world today? I'll tell you, it's no secret: No one fucking cares! Nobody gives a damn.
You're too far. You're too old to bear my children. You're too tall. You're too short. You're too fucking smart. You're too damn picky.
You know what? Yes, I am. And I won't change. I won't settle.
You're so caught up in what you want that you fail to see the world around you. You will die tomorrow, yet you keep forgetting to live.
Looking for an unicorn.
Damn you all! I'm fine by myself.

La multi ani

Azi e ziua ta, iar eu nu îți voi spune la mulți ani. Azi vei ști, dacă nu erai conștient deja, că m-ai pierdut. Cred că deja te așteptai de mult, fiindcă acesta era unul din lucrurile născute cu moartea în burtă. Unul din acele lucruri atât de învăluite de moarte încât a uitat să se nască cu totul. A renunțat la viață înainte de a se întrupa, având în vedere că sfârșitul era oricum același.
Mă duc unde văd cu ochii, mereu înainte, mereu mai departe. Închid un capitol și deschid altul. Refuz să trăiesc în trecut.
Fără regrete, am spus, dar regrete există. Nu am apucat să îți spun... Dar e târziu acum.
Mereu, undeva, e prea târziu pentru cineva.
Să nu fii trist. La urma-urmei, nu poți pierde ce nu ai avut vreodată, nu-i așa?

Drift

I used to see life as a staircase. I think the steps have ended. It's just this rushing river now, deeper and colder than I'd like. I step from wound to wound, sore enough to keep me afloat.
It's all make-believe. No one really knows what they are looking for. We're all just wasting time awaiting for the end. We imagine we have a purpose. We make ourselves up, dress up, dress down, according to occasion. We want to believe that we're the ones choosing. Yet life keeps happening, like waves. You open a door, and here it is, ready to drown you. Which makes me wonder if there's a master puppeteer out there, amused at our puny efforts.
Are you having fun?

Maybe

Sleepy rambling or a whiskey spell and you unknowingly let me peek inside.
I have always been attracted by scars. Darkness to darkness, dust to dust.
Maybe we both want the same thing. The need for that balm. Someone who knows how to touch us. Sore wounds, never to heal. The need to forget and hope for a while.
Maybe I see what I want to. I'm willing to take that chance.
Tell me, isn't it tiresome to keep your guard up all the time? Isn't it tiresome?
I should know.
In the end, everything is going to be all right ... or not.

To hope or not to...?

A big part of my life takes place in my head. Past, future, reality, fantasy playing together on the same field.
The secret to happiness is to lower your expectations as much as possible. People will disappoint you anyway.
But what to do when, from time to time, one comes along with a white flag? When he smiles or frowns or says something or doesn't in a certain way? In that certain way.